I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
