i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
