The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
