I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
