My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
