does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
