well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
