we're blogging at a bar
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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