that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
