I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
