It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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