From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
