I want to have your abortion
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
