just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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