I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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