youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
