Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
