Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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