some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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