There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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