Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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