I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
