I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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