we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
