2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
