Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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