i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
