first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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