he wants to bone in the snuggie
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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