As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
