Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize