First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
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