i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
