they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
