so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
