It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
