Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
