imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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