i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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