She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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