I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
