my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
50% drunk capacity currently
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
