there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
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My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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