i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
