I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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