there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
