3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize