mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
