If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
