Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
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I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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