allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
