I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
