Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
