You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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