I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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