he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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