the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think your dad took our porno
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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