She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My bed smells like the plague
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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