All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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