I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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