u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
