u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
