Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
