Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
