angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
