I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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