question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
