So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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