You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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