I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
