i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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